Happy 2009.

When I read back it seems most of my posts are when Kaylee is either in the hospital or just coming home. I hate that. It has been a tough 2008 and 2009 isn't starting out with a boom either. Kaylee was admitted to the PICU December 23rd. I brought her to the doctor because she was starting to have stronger retractions when she was breathing and she was very...lethargic. Not playing or wanting to do anything, really. I was getting concerned with the sleeping more than the breathing because she occasionally has breathing problems. She was just so lifeless it seemed like. Not my little Kaylee bug. When we got to the doctor they sent us straight to the ER because she was really starting to struggle with breathing once at the doctors, it was insane how rapidly worse she was getting. She was needing about 4 liters of O2 on the way to the ER (which is only across the street from her doctors office). She was pinker than pink though so it scared me, I didn't understand. Her pulsOx at home wasn't working I think because her feet are SO fat, it just wasn't picking up anywhere I put it many different spots and sometimes it would pick up and it would go up to like 94 and the fact that she was pink also made me feel she was ok. So when at the doctors she was reading 70's with like 2-3 liters of O2 really worried me. The doctor called the ER to let them know she was coming, they took us straight back. They did an x-ray and some blood test and Kaylee was getting SO much worse, just working so much harder to breathe and not aware at all. Well she had some pneumonia in her right lung, about the size of a golf ball. It was also hazy so at the time it wasn't really significant. Around 6 we were being taken up to the PICU and me and my little sister had to wait outside the PICU for them to set her up and at that time she had 7 liters of O2 blowing in her face to keep her stats up. They had poked 6 times in the ER trying to get IV access, they did get it once but it failed after one set of antibiotic ran its course. So once in the PICU they were going to try and get that IV in and get her situated. Me and my sister went to get some food because they said it would be an hour or so, and we hadn't ate since breakfast so we went to get food and I thought Id stop and get Kaylee some stuff from Kmart which was right down the road. When we got back, things took a turn for the worse. Kaylee was....struggling terribly to breathe, she was rolling her eyes and just....jerking around. I cried and cried, what else can you do? As a mom your suppose to be the one who protects your child and keeps them safe and at moments like that you can do nothing to help, I felt so useless... I wanted to just pick her up and hold her and try and make her better, I knew that wouldnt do anything though. I can say Kaylee is my main motivation in being a doctor. I want to be able to help her when shes sick, to get the satisfaction I would feel as a mother when I am the one that diagnoses and helps her on her journey to getting better. Its so frustrating not being able to do anything at all. Kaylee's gases were all off....her carbon dioxide was extremely high which if that gets to high your body will just shut down. Her carbon dioxide level was at 86 and should be between 40-50. That was the scariest part for me, so they had to intubate her. Let the ventilator breathe for her. Her x-ray that night in the PICU her right lung was completely covered with pneumonia and her left was all blotchy. Kaylee has chronic lung disease so its extremely easy for her to get any type of respiratory infection and its so much harder for her to get better. So not only was her first Christmas in the PICU completely unconscious so was her first New Year. For the New Year she was off of the ventilator, she was taken off the vent on the 30Th because her carbon dioxide was staying low and her stats were staying high when they let her initiate the breathes on her own, so they felt she was ok to come off but she was still being some what sedated to help ween her off the drugs she was getting while on the vent. Well since shes been off she has had high and low CO2 levels. Well last night it got up to 90 and at 2am went down to 60 so we thought, 'ok shes going to ride it out' well this morning the CO2 level got up to 117 and she got put back on the vent. I am rather depressed. I haven't seen Kaylee aware or playing.....or anything for that matter, I actually am having to just be happy when shes mad and flaying around, showing me shes still in there fighting for us. Her lungs are getting better very very slowly. If you compare the x-rays day by day you wont be able to tell anything is better. If you compare them from today to when she came in you can see the little difference. I just hope that all who read my post will pray for Kaylee, pray she gets better soon. We need her home. I need to see her pretty little smile, and see her eating them scrumptious little fingers. I miss my little bug.....

I am sorry most of my entrys are about more of the sad things. I think I use this blog to help me relieve my stress. I know people will understand me on here. I know that people are going through similar things....

Thank you all
Pray for Kaylee.
As for everyone else I hope and pray you all had a good Christmas and a Happy New Year.
God Bless you all.

Kaylee's First Christmas

New Years Eve Happy New Year, Baby

& of course, the Kaylee I miss more than anything.